A candid and open account of one of our patients
Libido is a word that I had completely misunderstood. My interpretation of libido is how much you fancy a bonk and / or your partner……..whilst this is an element of libido…it is definitely not the biggest part of it in my view.
I believe, talking to friends that lack of libido (unwillingness / uninterested / cannot think of anything worse, thoughts about sex) crops up on everyones radar from time to time but for some women it is always at the forefront of their mind. Trying to avoid possible situations that may lead to either putting up (irritably) or rejecting (damaging) the advances from their partners. This can be down to tiredness, illness, an argument or just simply a time when you don’t fancy it. However what I have discovered about libido is that these are symptoms too! When you have a lack of libido touching, kissing and intercourse all feels very different. Annoying, irritating and often quite unpleasurable.
The biggest factor to libido that I believe could change social dynamics (yes really!) is that when your testosterone levels drop you stop fancying sex AND you actually stop enjoying the physical touch of sexual intimacy and can find it quite unpleasant and even a chore, often blaming technique or a partner.
I am in a loving and passionate relationship. I can look at my husband and admire his looks and physique. However if you had asked me a few months ago what our sex life was like I would have told you that he is mad for it all the time and occasionally I give in to a fairly unpleasurable bonk. Unpleasurable not because I don’t fancy him, not because I don’t like him and not because he is rubbish “at it” BUT because my testosterone level is depleted (off the record actually, as is very common) and when he touches / kisses / licks it is actually an irritating sensation.
Not anymore. I have started testosterone supplementation.
Now I remember why sex can be so enjoyable and completely breath takingly exciting.
The feeling of absolute delight when you are touched on the nipples, clitorus or vagina are all mine again. This is the definition of lack of libido in its absolute. And it reminds me of a Barbara Cartland steamy sex scene.
Why would this discovery change social landscapes?
When a woman has her libido she is relishing in active and regular intimacy. She is happy, fulfilled and a pleasure to be around. She feels sexy, confident and able to face the world. Her partner is not likely to stray when he is so wanted and desired by his partner and so they stay bound together by intimacy and excitement of being together. A man too also loves to be desired and wanted and intimate (probably as important as being fed :)) and I don’t know many that aren’t delighted when their woman takes the initiative.
No leaving for someone new as temptation from another is waved under his / her nose
Happy wife / girlfriend = happy husband / boyfriend
Happy mother = happy children
Husbands / boyfriends and wives/ girlfriends remain together as life long partners with genuine love, like and desire for one and other.
This may sound extreme and far fetched however how many men do you know who leave their wives due to lack of sexual interest or constant rejection. Having a fling because someone else has paid attention.
How many dysfunctional families does this lead to? Mum sad and bitter = sad, angry and dysfunctional children. How many divorces with crippling financial failure and broken families.
My wrap up thoughts on this:
If you no longer fancy, admire, respect, like etc etc your husband / boyfriend / father to your children for no obvious reasons then seek information for hormone deficiency…and onwards from that testosterone supplementation. Seek it from an expert not a GP. Take their advice and wait three months before instigating those separation papers…..you may just be blown away and in a brilliant place before you even realise. Testosterone supplementation takes around 3-4 weeks in my experience to fully kick in however a few days in you will start to feel the differences. I hadn’t instigated sex or asked my partner to come to bed for years. Now it is starting to form the best part of my day.
Wife. Mum to 4. Delighted to be alive again.